Virus at Romance
by peppermint twertle
Summary: Izaya Orihara is asked to research a strip club called 'Romance' in Ikebukuro to find out who or what has been causing those who visit to die of poison. However, one monster appears to work there... and Izaya must sneak in undercover to unearth information. Will this double life as the 'god of Shinjuku' and Nakura succeed?
1. Chapter 1

First DRRR story!

Oh em geezels I am excited. This story uses the DRRR! alternates – Psyche and Delic, Hibiya and Tsugaru, Roppi and Tsuki…

Also, lesser-known Shitzuo (parody of Kuroshitsuji Sebastian, but Shizuo), Sakuraya (pink kimono Izaya. Nice. Fluffy. Like Tsugaru but Izaya.), Virus 138 red and 420 both blue (Virus 420) and green (Psy-420) (rogue versions of Psyche and Delic computer programs) and… bah, isn't there a blue version of Psyche and a red version of Tsugaru?

Someone tell me this clearly, I am getting confused.

The alternates are costumes, though. Not really alternate personalities/people, it's just easier and there's a lot of roleplaying whatnot…

Now, to the story!

* * *

Orihara Izaya had a difficult, hard, and large problem when he looked down.

Not that sort of problem, but it might soon become one of those.

His laptop screen was flipped open, and as Izaya looked down at it, the screen displayed a picture of a tall handsome man, labeled "_Virus 240 – once you see him, he corrupts your mind with his image forever!_"

A tacky website. It was a website for the popular strip club 'Romance', some sort of tacky name perfect for this tacky website. 'Romance' - what kind of name was that? People don't go there for love, they watch other people strip!

Orihara had been assigned to research this club by Shinra, of all people.

_Dammit, that idiot doctor is always getting me in a mess. Almost worse than protozoan Shizu-chan._

However, more pressing matters had to be thought of, as in researching this club and trying to hack its security defenses for possible secrets.

There was a problem as stated before. The problem was the photo. It was a man with a black and white clothing, only marred by a bright blue tie and headphones.

'Virus 240' had the exact same face, those recognizable long legs Izaya had seen chase after him for seven years, and those long fingers Izaya was used to seeing grabbing random pieces of public property and hurling the objects at him. The long, elegant fingers graced the pole with their touch and he leaned forward into the screen, zooming up on the face-

_Is this even possible?_

_Could 'Virus 240' be…_

* * *

A few hours ago, Celty stopped by Izaya's apartment, typing as always on her sleek black PDA.

Izaya had been at work, mocking his secretary Namie as usual, when the faint whinny of a horse could be heard combined with a motorcycle's roar. He excused himself from his own apartment with a "Don't burn the place down while I'm gone, Namie-san!" and got a reply of "Go die in a hole while you're at it!"

Hopping down the stairs three at a time, Izaya reached the street where he faced the Black Motorcycle and its rider.

[Izaya-san, how do you do?]

"Very well. Oh, and convenient! Ne, Celty-san, is there a heaven?"

Rapid clicking was heard. […What were you thinking about?]

"No, no, never mind. Anyway, I know you came here for a reason. Did Shinra finally lose it?"

[I'm taking you to Shinra's apartment – this is a matter of urgency Shinra'll discuss with you when you're there.]

"No. I am a busy man and will not subject to Shinra's whims!"

Celty's shoulders slumped as bit, as if she was sighing, then typed, [It's either that or I drag you there. This is a life or death situation, Izaya!]

"No, no, no! Sorry to say, I can't go, as-"

Izaya was cut short as a mass of dark shadows slid around his waist, bound him up tight while other black mass formed into a helmet onto his head. Celty hopped onto her motorbike, shadows still binding the reluctant informant, and started her drive to Shinra's.

* * *

"Shinra… Did you have Celty drag me here so you can collect my blood samples again?"

Izaya looked rather put out. After Celty had dumped him on the floor once they had reached Shinra's apartment (with much cursing on the way, courtesy of Orihara) he had refused anything and simply sat on the couch, legs crossed and nose arrogantly high up in the air.

"Aha, I'm sorry, but it was necessary, Izaya-san, or you wouldn't have come!"

The informant whipped out his switchblade and held it pointing toward Shinra.

"Tell me why. Now."

Shinra frowned, used to Izaya's death threats, and started to talk.

"See, I just had a case that came in recently, two days ago. He was covered head to toe in scratches with an unidentified poison in his shallow wounds. A woman dropped him off at my door, his girlfriend apparently, and told me that he was at 'Romance' a popular strip club. He went to the bathroom, and came back with these scratches-" Here, Shinra held up a photograph of the man, "while murmuring about viruses. Ten minutes after arriving here, he died. Later, we just assumed too much alcohol and let the case go, as I had no idea what the poison was. The next day, two more people arrived with the same injuries and died within ten minutes; all of them were previously at 'Sayonara Shalon'. I asked some of my medical friends and some reported the same situation at other nearby hospitals."

Shinra shifted in his seat nervously; and Celty had already disappeared to give the friends privacy.

Izaya sighed. "So you want me, as a professional and the best informant in Ikebukuro, to find out what this poison is and why people in this strip club are being poisoned. What I don't get is why you would care."

"I'm a doctor. I don't want people to die. Also, if this isn't solved soon, the police are going to get on it and they'll trace some of the victims to me and they'll find Celty and then they'll be so transfixed with her and they'll take her to jail because she's the Black Biker and, and, and I'll miss her so much and they'll torture Celty because she's so beautiful and they'll be messing with my Celty and I love her and-"

Izaya sat on the couch and coughed.

"Oh. Um, okay. So…"

"Payment?"

"I have to pay you? Didn't you say you 'loved all humans'?"

Izaya raised an eyebrow.

"Just because I love humans doesn't mean I care about whether random people are dying."

"Okay. How about 40% discount? For me?"

"20% because you've been my friend since middle school and I owe you for the bowtie incident."

Shinra thought for a second and then said, "35%."

"30%."

"Deal." said Shinra. They shook hands, and after, Izaya stood up to walk out.

"By the way, Shinra, Celty's taking a bath! Ooh, don't even think on peeking on her, how scandalous~"

The door slammed shut with a bang and Shinra sat on the couch, smiling and thinking of images only existing in his mind.

* * *

As mentioned before, Izaya was typing at his computer.

A warning sign popped up, and he was immediately ejected out of his browser with a "404 – Error not found" window.

In spite of its seedy reputation, 'Romance' seemed to have high-tech encryption. Izaya's hacking skills were exceptional, however, he was not trained to hack or know detailed coding like those famous tech nerds in Silicon Valley. Just enough skills to get him through Shinra's laptop security at least.

Flicking through the lines of glowing letters and symbols after regaining his browser window, Izaya came across a list of new recruits and registered workers at the strip club. One of the few things he could hack into - the strangest part was whoever created this website knew their stuff. The elaborate coding to create a simple looking website was a bit suspicious, and the added (possibly illegal) security heightened Izaya's instincts about something that was not right here.

Scrolling though the lists… Person, person, person, person person person… ahh. Shizuo Heiwajima. So he did work there. There was no mention of a stage name or any identification, just simply a name underneath 'Employed in Romance'. Next to the list of _… Dancers? Bartenders? Backstage workers? All employees?_ was another list of possible recruits.

He contemplated a rare plan of action. He was a self-admitted coward, thank you very much.

…_Is this worth the information?_

_Shinra'll pay me. Don't be fooled, he actually is very wealthy._

_I have enough money though, there's no point in having any more._

_Danger? The problems at any strip club. Shizu-chan. People finding out. Rumors that will not benefit me; humans will just look down upon myself as a slut._

_Benefits? Insider info. Something to do, after all, if I'm able to watch humans in a special environment while I work on a high priority mission, then I don't have to research on my computer all day and deal with Namie._

_Ahh, why not just mess with Shizu-chan?_

_It's sealed, then~_

Izaya Orihara deleted a name from the recruits list and replaced it with 'Nakura Takahashi'. He then proceeded to print out the paperwork required for his alias and forms from the website he would need.

Tomorrow, the meeting would commence, or 'tryouts'.

_I've got just the right clothing, and the next thing you know, this job will be mine… So much more interesting than staying here and listening to Namie bitch and mess with Tanaka Taro-san!_

Tomorrow, Izaya would be in some terms, a spy.

* * *

All he needed was a wig, some makeup, and was unrecognizable. A different style of layered haircut, dark brown like that famous monster relation, Kasuka-san, and some hazel brown contacts – ha! It wasn't Orihara Izaya in a disguise but as a handsome, _twenty-one_ year old drop dead sexy man in some dubious clothing.

What can he say? Izaya has his secret lover in the mirror with a color coordinated walk-in closet. Not to mention, a huge infamous reputation for trouble.

Of course he'd have disguises.

Izaya wore arctic white shorts, knee-high midnight black boots and a short, short little black top with a collar. Artfully topped with a white bow tie, of course.

Swaggering outside, Izaya gave himself a once over in the mirror beside his door, and then locked the door to his flat then took the glass elevator down.

* * *

Strolling though Ikebukuro was _fun_ in this outfit.

After all, when do you see a pretty guy walking like he owned the town (which Izaya did, to some extent) and in revealing clothes?

Sure, people ignored him, but others were ready to drool. Those were the best to manipulate, but right now his focus was on avoiding Shizu-chan.

A tall blonde head appeared above the crowd, and Izaya swerved to avoid it by ducking into an alley and using parkour skills to latch onto a fire escape ladder.

Wait, it wasn't the monster after all. Just an unusually tall man with blond hair. How rare.

Hopping from roof to roof, Izaya slid down to the ground from a ledge and looked up at the sign, as of now dimmed and with bright sunlight glinting off of it.

'Romance' it read.

* * *

Emil: 'Romance' is an actual strip club in Ikebukuro's red light district, correct me if I'm wrong, it may be a bar or a brothel.

Got the name from a guys personal blog about visiting Japan, that's where I got the idea :D

Izaya: This chapter is a bit short and only an intro, but bear with this! There will be more plot and action later~

Author: And I do not do smut, only if it is necessary to the plot I will. Sorry to disappoint…

Shizuo: … Alright, fangirls who are not 100% reading a story for the… uh… you know what… o/o, please review!

Emil: *coughcough porn, you heard me Shizuo, porn coughcough*

Izaya: Because I want to see Shizuo strip!

Emil: -_- ' Anyway, please review and please give me some constructive criticism. Like Izaya. I don't understand his character sometimes and Shizuo I understand better... so if they're OOC for something that should obviously be not by the word of Ryohgo Narita, don't hesitate to correct me...

**EDIT: **Dammit, for some reason the line breaks keep on deleting, and every time I try to save this doc in the Doc Manager, my browser window goes to a code? website thing? that says "about:blank". WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! It's driving me crazy.

Sorry for spamming with updates, that is actually me trying to get the line breaks to show.


	2. Chapter 2

Izaya reached 'Romance'. Small printed signs pointed toward a place where the 'tryouts' and newly hired recruits went.

He entered the back door, striding along until he reached the office in the back. A thumbtacked paper reading 'Suzuki Kaito' greeted him.

Without knocking, Izaya pushed the door open and walked into the room. The haze of smoke was thick as molasses, and a solitary man with streaks of dyed red hair and ear length black hair sat smoking his cigar as the ask dropped onto his red tie and black suit amongst piles of paperwork.

"Suzuki-san, I assume? I am here. For my job. You know, the new recruits for stripper positions. What do I need to do?"

The man grinned.

"The one and only! Hey, first take a load off, uh…"

"You may call me Takahashi-san." Izaya plopped into a chair and propped his feet on top of Kaito's desk.

He shuffled through his papers. "Ahh, Nakura-san! So eager to start your job? Well, let's just settle some basics, shall we?"

Izaya was expecting some sort of paperwork and some money agreements, but –

Suzuki picked up his measuring tape, and after commanding 'Nakura' to hold still he measured arm length, legs, torso to waist, around the waist and trunk, etc., etc. and quickly scribbled the measurements onto a piece of paper with the pen from behind his ear. He then scribbled some more complex-looking calculations and exclaimed,

"Nakura-san, you have good proportions, very necessary for your job. Very good. We'll train you to do everything else and security is very tight here - "

_That's why I'm here, idiot… other than to mess with Shizu-chan, I guess. _

" – so don't worry about anything bad happening! All you've got to do is show me some proper ID, fill out this form with address, phone number, all that basic stuff, and sign this contract!"

Izaya scanned the papers, and after finding them legal and fair contracts, signed them while handing over his false ID, printed from his computer.

"You saw how much we pay you on the contract, right?" Without waiting for Izaya to nod, he continued, "Well, the more popular you get, we'll pay you more – so you know, that you'll work for us instead of moving to another job! There's a lot to do, so hurry up and follow me~ No worries, if you're good, you get cash. If you're bad, at least you're pretty, you just get paid less and we get business anyway, from the customers who can only afford less. So it's a win-win situation!"

_Why the hell is this guy so cheery for running a strip club?! Why is he so obviously and obnoxiously transparent to the point that it's wholly suspicious?!_

Suzuki Kaito walked down the hall, pointing to different rooms and items.

"This here is our brothel and the other larger half is the strip area, where you'll be working! Here, I need to do some business but Erika is here to show you around! Bye~"

Izaya smiled and waved, but after the man turned around, his face dropped instantly into a frown.

_Erika…?_

"Excuse me… are you the new recruit?"

Turning around, Izaya saw a woman with short brown hair stuffed into a grey felt cap that walked up and bowed.

"Hello, you may call me Erika-san. I am the costume designer and all around helper."

Izaya nodded. Her long grey dress was dragging on the floor from the sheer length while her pale skin reflected the curious look in her grey eyes.

"Hello, I am Na - "

"I am sorry," Erika's quiet voice interrupted, "but here, performers only use stage names for various security reasons. Is there a name with which you would like to be called? Or shall I assign you a name determined on your appearance and personality?"

Izaya shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Anyways, Erika-san, introduce me to the wonders of 'Romance'! What do I do?"

Erika said, "Follow me," and walked down the hallway.

As they were walking, she explained, "This small section is our brothel, it is just a small addition to the main part, the strip club. There are people outside to guide the customers inside, as they blindfold the customers and bring them in different ways, to increase the experience and sense of secrecy. The front is essentially a maze – very small, but many turns are taken and the maze is complex already, so it creates the illusion of a long, far walk."

She pointed at rooms and small halls branching off into the rest of the rooms, all grey and concrete, much like the backstage of a theatre.

"Over there is our storage room, and there is a costume room, various changing rooms scattered around along with bathrooms and places for makeup. We have janitorial staff supplies in that closet – in case you make a mess, you are required to clean it up in your room. Other than that, pretty much laws and common rules apply, like no eating in the theatre, only water."

Erika led Izaya into a small individual dressing room, and explained it was for Izaya only.

"Treat it like your own room. Tacking pictures to the walls, adding some decorations, that is okay. Just please no permanent damage."

"Alright, Erika-san." Izaya nodded after this lengthy introduction from the office to his dressing room. "Now what?"

* * *

Erika was a horribly efficient trainer.

Her quiet nature all but disappeared when she was teaching Izaya the basics of stripping.

"Build up stamina! Everyday, do push-ups, sit-ups, and jog. You must have stamina in order to dance! Drink plenty of water and sweat, sweat, sweat!"

Erika had Izaya do all the things mentioned plus more, and after an hour, he was feeling a bit tired – crazy after being chased around by Shizuo. It must be the sweaty wig and dried out contacts lenses… or just Erika the evil dragon lady.

She knelt down to where Izaya was sitting on the floor, winded, and smiled.

"Wow, you are very good for a new recruit. In no time, you'll be just like 240!"

_240? As in, 'Virus 240'?_

"Ahhh, Erika-san, tell me about this '240' I keep on hearing about! Who is he or she?"

Erika smiled even more. "It's our star stripper. He's amazing! He's really handsome and my gosh, just so dreamy! I can't believe he's working here instead of on some runway or in the 2D world with his own shoujo manga! He looks so much like that movie star Hanejima Yuuhei-san!" She looked at Izaya. "Wait, now that I think of it…"

Izaya had to clamp his hand over his mouth to keep from snorting. The protozoan? Handsome? Haha, he may be related to Hanejima Yuuhei-san, no, Heiwajima Kasuka-san, but really, handsome and dreamy? Oh, this was so worth the training and itchy wig.

_These humans are just so fun!_

"- anyway, I think you and 240 would go great together!"

Say what?

Really?

Is Izaya finally becoming deaf?

"Excuse me, but I didn't really hear what you said. Could you repeat that please?" Izaya asked.

Erika's smile now stretched to a grin. "You. And. 240. Would. Look. Great. Together. On. Stage!"

Phew. For a second, Izaya seriously thought this woman was one of those infamous fujoshi.

"I mean, I've always thought 240 looked like that scary guy – what was his name? – oh, right, Heiwajima Shizuo-san… The guy who can throw those vending machines, except 240 is way too nice and only beats up the guys who aren't following the rules."

What happened to that quiet, unobtrusive woman earlier? Was she replaced by some less quiet but still shy, extremely talkative person?

"Yes! And you look quite a bit like that guy Heiwajima-san always chases, that other scary person named Orihara Izaya-san! Don't be fooled, he's really scary too, even though he looks like a normal guy!" Erika went back to her normal, amused smile. "Actually, I'm part of the fanclub for those two… please don't tell anyone. But they look very good with each other physically, and since you both have such similar facial features with those two, I will call you 'Virus 138' so you can go with 240!"

_I dug my own grave earlier when I said it was okay for her to give me a stage name according to my looks._

_How come I never came across that fanclub?_

_That absolutely disgusts me… If it was only for me, I'd be pleased… but with the monster. That is nasty._

"… Uhm, okay." Izaya raised an eyebrow.

Erika patted Izaya's head. "We are going to be great friends, not because I can tell, but because we will. I know we will."

A bit scary…

"Virus 138! Let's teach you the basics of dancing, okay? Here, start at the side of the stage and walk on. You need to walk on with confidence. An essential part of your performance depends upon…"

* * *

Izaya had spent hours today in this job and he was pleased with the results. Erika had told him he was a natural (ha! Of course THE Orihara Izaya-sama was!) and gave him many instructional pointers and tips. He worked his butt off in trying his hardest; after all, what use was it that he should be fired before finding out the mystery? No progress was made today, due to the lessons and introduction to the area. Izaya had met many people today and, surprisingly, enjoyed himself. Perhaps it was the fact these humans weren't stupid. Rather, they were highly attuned to what other people thought and wanted, and were amazingly good actors/performers to boot.

As a reward, Erika let him take an hour's break – by now it was around eight pm – and let him stay for the highly demanded nine o' clock show to see Virus 240. Tickets were near impossible to secure for special seating in the prime rows. However, Erika gave him a 'backstage pass' and snuck Izaya into a seat in an empty sort-of opera box to watch by himself.

Izaya wanted to see this 'Virus 240'. If he was who Izaya thought he was, then the coincidence would be slightly too much for him. There would have to be some reason why, and how, and when this had all started. If people died around the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro, the blonde had something to do with it. Izaya could feel it, just as he could feel the tension and excitement of the humans below him.

* * *

Heiwajima Shizuo stared at himself in the slightly dusty and dented mirror. What in the world was he doing here with all this makeup caked on his face, revealing clothing, and awkward facial expression.

No one recognized him – if they noticed anything, they noted his similarity to Heiwajima Shizuo, realized 'it can't be him, Virus is too nice' and continued on. His co-workers always thought he had a marked similarity, but dismissed it on account of Shizuo's non-pissed, laid back, and nonchalant attitude. In actuality, it was the monster of Ikebukuro who was not on a rampage. Shizuo had a quiet, peace-loving personality; ironic, given his infamous fights with a certain flea.

The clothing he wore was a bright pink and black pinstriped shirt, with a black tie and white suit – customers loved roleplay, and so, today he was going to be a nymphomaniac named Delic. Quite an interesting role, no? But the audiences loved it, loved to see this man ooze false charm and sex appeal.

Thankfully, acting skills in the Heiwajima family seemed to be hereditary.

He looked at the photo taped of Kasuka at the right side of the mirror. Occasionally, his coworkers teased him about having 'Yuuhei-sama' on the wall and questioned his sexuality (especially since he worked at Romance, of all places). They didn't know that Kasuka was Shizuo's brother.

The only reason why he worked here was to pay off his debts. Tom wasn't rich. Shizuo destroyed many public pieces of property with his bare hands, and while Tom could pay the fines, Shizuo insisted on paying at least part of the bills and the rest of his paycheck went to things he needed – an apartment, electricity, food, and other items.

The pay was good, but only enough to pay part of his public debts off, until 'Virus 240's' popularity took off amongst the town, and brought substantial payment increases to Shizuo; enough to buy fresh groceries every week and a hearty lunch – plus surplus snacks and sweets for himself and the Orihara twins when they came to pester him.

Really, he would love this job if it simply didn't involve him dancing on a stage and killing his pride as the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro. The people working with him were very understanding compared to the others Shizuo dealt with on a daily basis. After all, most wouldn't take a job like this without some sort of need for money or excitement. They understood each other in a strange way.

"The show will begin in ten minutes. Virus 240 will be performing today – don't miss it! Also, happy hour is between ten pm and eleven pm, please…"

Ah, that was his cue to get ready.

Shizuo fixed his tie and put on a dab or two of makeup – stage makeup, mind you.

His brown wig was not in place. The colour of the wig matched the colour of his undyed hair, so essentially he hid his fake coloured hair with another fake coloured hairstyle, and then convinced his fake coloured hair was real blond hair. Ironic, isn't it?

So it was a wig on a wig, but actually a sort of permanent wig underneath the brown wig but saying the blond hair was not real when it really was real but fake. Ah, let's not get this to be too confusing, ne?

Shizuo heard the loud talking die down to murmurs when the announcement came. He walked out from his dressing room to the hallway outside his mini sanctuary, through heavy matte double doors, and to the centre of a hidden stage. When the lights flashed on…

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome our very own, very _handsome _performer for you tonight, Virus 240!"

He slapped on a grin and dramatically swished open the curtains, while flirtatiously tugging on his tie.

The show had begun.

* * *

Izaya leant forward.

_Is it really… Huh, I hate to admit it, but he's quite good. His acting skills are as good as his brother's…_

He sat on the edge of the seat, while catchy music played and Virus 240 grinned like the Cheshire Cat. Shizuo strutted to the pole mounted on the stage and ran his fingers caressingly down the cold metal, gave a wink, then fluttered his eyes closed and slowly leaned forward -

He _licked the goddamned pole._ If anyone wasn't paying attention earlier,_ now_ they were.

Izaya was amused to no extent. His smile turned into a smirk rivalling 'Delic's' on stage and held up his smartphone to photograph it. A frozen image of Shizuo remained. Ahh, potential blackmail. Tearing his eyes away from the show, Izaya got out of his seat.

He left Romance, walking down the stairs from the private box and out onto the street from the back door.

He contemplated his options. He could post this photo online, on the Dollars chat board, and point out the stripper – not really a stripper, but mostly dancer, he assumed, the monster had too much pride for that – looked remarkably like Heiwajima Shizuo… Or just continue his job without posting it, focusing only on the mystery… Or do both!

But if Izaya blew Virus' cover, as no one seemed to notice 240 was THE Heiwajima Shizuo, then rumors would spread and Shizuo might quit. Now, if he quit, how was Izaya going to enjoy himself by messing with Shizu-chan anonymously? No Shizu-chan and this deal would be no fun.

* * *

_Urgent Newsflash!_

_Outside of Ikebukuro's red light district, three dead bodies have been found. All were covered in shallow wounds and covered in poison our forensic scientists have not been able to determine._

_Causes of death are unknown and we are still identifying the bodies. A man with black hair approximately forty to fifty years old, a woman with dyed blonde hair and purple highlights approximately thirty to forty years old, and an unrecognizable male corpse corroded by the poison has been found. If anyone has any information regarding this murder, or is able to identify these people, please call this toll-free number…_

* * *

Izaya turned off his television with a click and sat down in his chair. He faced his computer and began to type.

* * *

Delic: Look, a cameo!

Emil: Yeah. Of you licking a pole. Which is probably covered in sweat and gunk and makeup and who knows what. Enough to turn anyone's lady boner off.

Izaya: All I did was exhaust myself.

Shizuo: Me too. And embarrass myself even more.

Emil: Please review! Thank you for all the follows and favorites and whatnot. Now, I want to hear what you say. It's called a review. Please?


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